Tuesday, August 31, 2010

CANCER is a life changing word

Many of you have had experience living with, caring for a loved one or knowing someone going through cancer.  I am not alone.  I watched my father battle Leukemia for years, until our Father took him home.  When I was younger, I remember the days of my grandmother's battle with breast and colon cancer. Yesterday I learned that my mother too is touched with this strangling disease.  What I also am trying to cope with is the effects this word has not only on the individual (I can not imagine the fear and/or anxiety this causes my mother) but the fear and life change of events that will occur to us all that are close to her.  I am struggling with my own fears and inability of being in control.  I reach out to the Lord for strength and guidance, but alas I still find myself coming back to selfish thoughts of "what do I do"?  Where do I turn? How can I be strong for others when I am hurting inside?  I've signed up for classes in college, now seem irrelevant but again, what do I do?  Do I drop them and sit and wait by the phone, for the call to be with my mother.  Do I carry on my daily life, thus feeling selfish and uncaring?  All these questions have no answer but to wait until we have more information to know what the plan is or how to react.  Patience is not easy, it is my struggle right now.  I want answers and a plan.  Until further consults and tests are performed to know what kind of lung cancer she has, I can only pray.  I ask you too to please pray for our family.  Being far from home at this time is so difficult.  Lord give me strength.

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